some days...

"Some days" are the days I will miss most. I know what a day that tastes like an apple is like. I wake early on Some days and it is cold and it is clear and the air is so sweet I could just die from being infused with it. I can hardly inhale without coughing from the shock of so much clarity and light, the silence sticks in my throat and I cry frozen quicksilver rivulets of tears. Some days make me think of you and you and you too now. Some days make me happy make me melancholy and make me thankful for this moment. I forget to be mortal on Some days. I forget how much life hurts and love so sweet it gags you; hurts. It is hard to love Some days because the price of love is so high. It is hard to mother and wive and sister Some days. Mostly it is hard to mother. The mothering love is like a stone on my chest that crushes me into dust. My dust spins into the wind and calls him; I do not want to leave you; please son forgive me. The legacy of my father is not your legacy. You have different cells and genes and you have an escape hatch, a clause, Santa Clause, claws. Don't forget to fight. Don't forget to get it all. We deserve nothing, no one owes us anything--you deserve everything good, like Some days. Wake up early on a cool day before the rest of the world and feel a day bursting at the seams with life--so fat you feel as if you can bite it and it would fill you with sky. Eat it all, taste it, roll it in your mouth like wine, over your tongue, over your senses while they exist, use them. I LOVE YOU. You know it all. I have hidden nothing from you. I have hidden so much from so many and yet I have been an open book, a tome to the multitudes. I have loved to no avail, and I have loved to distraction and every time I would not trade. Not the good the bad the ugly, not the unrequited for the intensity of the fantasy, not the unfulfilling and certainly not the one that gave me you.